Jett (jatg) wrote,

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"A Question" or "Which really is easier?"

I wrote this post after a whole series of posts deluged the Side Topics forum on Animation Nation.  Sadly, my chosen profession seems to be full of "Truthers" and conspiracy theorists and folks slightly to the left of Stalin.  After nutbar posts on how the towers were pre-rigged to explode on Sept 11th and there really was no plane that hit the pentagon and how this war is all just about oil I had to speak up for my own sanity.

A question:

For what it's costing the US...apparently completely under the sway of evil greeeeeedy oil barons with a country full of stupefied rubes, dupes and overly jingoistic patriotic yokels don't you think it would have been soooo much easier and a lot less expensive for these huge shadowy evil masterminds (is it George W or not? I can't remember if he's supposed to be the evil genius behind September 11th or a vegetative Hitler-esque chimperor.) to just start drilling for oil in our own country?

Come my friend, and let us consider together:

Are the environmental regulations so tough and the greenies so unassailable that we are supposed to believe it is easier and ultimately more profitable to plan a huge global conspiracy to go to war in the middle east rather than convincing US citizens we should use our own resources and simply drill our own oil here at home?

Let's think about what planning such a conspiracy would entail.

Phase I:

September 11:

You have to convince the American people there's a reason for war. Let's say it's terrorism. This is fairly easy since terrorist activity IS on the rise. How convenient that there were previous attacks on the world trade center, the Anbar towers and the US Cole. Time for a major, major escalation. Thousands of people are going to die on American soil.

You have to plan September 11th. This is going to wreak major (albeit temporary, hooray for that capitalism engine chugging along) economic havok but you shrug it off rubbing your greedy hands together knowing that future spoils are yours, despite the enormous hit all markets take.

Among other things, in order to plan September 11th you have to have the twin towers pre wired to explode...and pay hundreds of demotion experts who do that sort of thing to keep very, very quiet about doing it. You have to make sure they don't say anything that particular job even after the buildings fall.

You have to hope those radial Islam pilots actually manage to HIT the buildings so you CAN detonate them.

You have to vanish several hundred passengers from various flights and for some reason acquire a missile to hit the Pentagon and tell people it was an airplane.

You have to plan all of this in 9 months.


Phase II:

Off to Afghanistan:

Convince the US Congress and the American people that the Taliban and specifically Bin Ladin are behind the attacks and not you, the evil genius mastermind. You don't really CARE about want Iraq and the oil but you must be patient.
It helps that Bin Ladin and the Taliban claim credit for toppling the towers. Maybe they even believe it...but they do not know the hand you had in it. Again, how frighteningly clever of you to wire the buildings to detonate.

Afghanistan, despite media warnings that it's going to be a quagmire comes under US control fairly easily. You have to make sure they don't get Bin Ladin though. If the US got him, it would be hard to convince people on Phase III of your plan.


Phase III:

Demonizing Saddam:

You have to convince people that Saddam Hussain is an imminent threat. This is fairly easy since all the intelligence the whole world over is convinced he either has or is trying to acquire WMDs. He has kicked out the UN weapon inspectors (violating several UN resolutions,) and is refusing to let anyone come in and look. (violating even more.)

He's also easy to demonize...this is a guy whose sons tortured the national soccer team if they missed goals and had professional rapists on his payroll. He has used WMDs on his own people and has slaughtered thousands more.

It also helps that the previous administration has soundbites of everyone from Clinton on down warning what a threat he was to world wide stability and was questing for said weapons.

It also helps that there are clips of Al Gore chastising Bush 41 for not doing ENOUGH to bring down Hussain in 1991.

You have to fool every member of Congress to vote for going to war. They see the intelligence provided, (that you so artfully faked) and give their roaring approval. You even build a world wide coalition bigger than the one that went to war in 1990 to stick with the US in going to war in Iraq.

Truly, you ARE an evil genius mastermind.


Phase IV:

Off to war!

Again, despite media warnings that this was going to be a protracted war with Saddam's guards and soldiers fighting to the bitter end, Iraq falls rather easily. The people cheer seeing his statue topple and invite US soldiers to join them in hitting it with shoes.

...and then you realize...


Oh CRAP! How could you forget something as basic as THAT!!!! You go to ALL this work and forget to actually PLANT THEM!!! AAAUUUGHHHHH!

Never mind. Just breathe...just breathe. You can salvage this. Just sit back and wait.

You know that Iran is going to do everything it can to disrupt the building of a democracy in are going to do everything in your power to make sure this whole thing turns into a major powder keg. Al Qaeda members from all corners are going to flood the area and it's going to be a blood bath.

Just wait...eventually they're all going to kill themselves and you can swoop in and take control of the oil fields making you very, very wealthy. I mean, even more than you already are. It wasn't cheap to plan all of this.


All of this is easier and less expensive than convincing Congress and the American people...who are already upset about US jobs and money going simply get our own oil here at home.

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