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I'm feeling much better tonight than I did last. Half a nostril working is infinitely better than none. At least I can swallow without gagging.


I opted not to go to karate tonight...I figure with my constant sniffing and coughing nobody would want to be grappling with me. I did go to Target and get the fixin's for wassail. Every so often if I inahled DEEPLY I could catch a whiff. It smells like spice and comfort. I haven't made it for a fair bit.


I started going through the drawers in my filing cabinet and if I thought going through the boxes was rough they were nothing in comparison to going through these. There are ghosts in my files.

I found emails from past relationships. Reading them made me smile and wince and remember and wonder just how things got so BAD.

I found photos...from high school, from my mission, from Sheridan. Family photos with Baby Sam smiling at me holding a hose. Photos with missionary companions. Photos with classmates asleep in the halls.

I found newspaper clippings...my letter to the editor that so shook things up at school the administration yanked all the teachers from the animation department in for an emergency meeting. I have found assignments from first year (chucked those!) I found drawings I did for Hulabee...I found my "we're letting you go temporarily" letter from Hulabee (please note I'm not there.)

I found zillions of Xena drawings. That's going to be a chunky awful lot to sort through. Holy cow I had a lot of unfinished ideas. Part of my brain thinks I should finish them. Another part things I should have a bonefire.

I find layouts and character designs and folders full of animated scenes that have not been flipped in years. I find tonal drawings and figure sketches and animation history notes. I find cartoons BJ and I scribbled back and forth. I find doodles I did at church in Guelph.

I found bank statements and receipts from Canada. I smirk over receipts from the bank showing the exchange rate when I was in school. (Much better then that it is now. Thank you Lord for small favors!)

I found my typed out missionary farewell talk. (and boy, THAT was an interesting talk. It was on Joseph Smith.)

I found dozens of little storyboarded out bits that looking at made me laugh.

I found sketchbook after sketchbook. Most of them were halfway filled. Yikes.

I found play programs from when I was in high school. I found play programs from last year in Hamilton.

Going through all this is rough. Right now my drawers are empty and my floor is littered with my past.

I do not know how to react to all the ghosts that are now swirling about me.

I am trying to sort and codify and organize the ghosts I want to keep in neat little folders but right now they are very present.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 12th, 2006 06:30 am (UTC)
My ghosts, though them seemed hesitant, sheepish and sometimes even abashed at returning to me, always appreciated my coming to them with an open embrace. It was good for both of us for me to say to them, I am glad that you are part of who I am. I am glad that you are still lingering in my memories. Your presence is evidence that my life is rich, full, varied and purposeful, even if you are Ghosts of Tragedies, Regrets or Mistakes. And one of the best things that I can come to do in my life is to look you in the eye once more and to tell you that I do not wish you out of the corridors of my mind.

I hope that you do not do too many rash exorcisms tonight. But that is just me, a very sentimental-packrat sort of me.
Dec. 12th, 2006 08:42 pm (UTC)
Yes. It hasn't been altogether unpleasant...just...kind of thought provoking, aborbing? Don't know the right word here.

Some things have been nagging at my brain wondering if it has been Long Enough and if I shouldn't try to see about reopening some doors...or at least be able to peek in the window.

I figure when I am all finished...and things are all organized and filed away...and a week later after much thought and prayer I still feel nagged to do it, I will.

But I want to be sure it's not nostaligia or misplaced sentiment that's driving me.


Hopefully this wasn't TOO cryptic. :)

Dec. 14th, 2006 11:06 pm (UTC)
You talk about nostalgia or sentiment like it is a bad thing...! ;-D

Ghosts are meant to be cryptic.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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