I opted not to go to karate tonight...I figure with my constant sniffing and coughing nobody would want to be grappling with me. I did go to Target and get the fixin's for wassail. Every so often if I inahled DEEPLY I could catch a whiff. It smells like spice and comfort. I haven't made it for a fair bit.
I started going through the drawers in my filing cabinet and if I thought going through the boxes was rough they were nothing in comparison to going through these. There are ghosts in my files.
I found emails from past relationships. Reading them made me smile and wince and remember and wonder just how things got so BAD.
I found photos...from high school, from my mission, from Sheridan. Family photos with Baby Sam smiling at me holding a hose. Photos with missionary companions. Photos with classmates asleep in the halls.
I found newspaper clippings...my letter to the editor that so shook things up at school the administration yanked all the teachers from the animation department in for an emergency meeting. I have found assignments from first year (chucked those!) I found drawings I did for Hulabee...I found my "we're letting you go temporarily" letter from Hulabee (please note I'm not there.)
I found zillions of Xena drawings. That's going to be a chunky awful lot to sort through. Holy cow I had a lot of unfinished ideas. Part of my brain thinks I should finish them. Another part things I should have a bonefire.
I find layouts and character designs and folders full of animated scenes that have not been flipped in years. I find tonal drawings and figure sketches and animation history notes. I find cartoons BJ and I scribbled back and forth. I find doodles I did at church in Guelph.
I found bank statements and receipts from Canada. I smirk over receipts from the bank showing the exchange rate when I was in school. (Much better then that it is now. Thank you Lord for small favors!)
I found my typed out missionary farewell talk. (and boy, THAT was an interesting talk. It was on Joseph Smith.)
I found dozens of little storyboarded out bits that looking at made me laugh.
I found sketchbook after sketchbook. Most of them were halfway filled. Yikes.
I found play programs from when I was in high school. I found play programs from last year in Hamilton.
Going through all this is rough. Right now my drawers are empty and my floor is littered with my past.
I do not know how to react to all the ghosts that are now swirling about me.
I am trying to sort and codify and organize the ghosts I want to keep in neat little folders but right now they are very present.