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Took a half day at work. Things are slow enough it's not a big deal so I went to F'ton with the boy and then proceeded to help my folks out with getting things ready for Thanksgiving, winter and guests decending upon us on Saturday.

The funeral is Saturday. I told my mom that every funeral I attend I always wonder who the next one I attend will be for. I said I am tired of funerals where the people are TOO YOUNG there in the box. I missed my cousin's funeral 9 years ago (he was a year older than me)...and part of me is rather glad that I did...it was such a sad, tragic affair.

Same for Mark H nsyzygy a few years ago. A stupid, stupid accident and boy howdy I miss him. He has shown up in a few dreams (and one specifically he told me he knew I was going to be in a particular dream and he talked his way into coming and visiting) and nagged me and I have gotten annoyed with him for his nagging...which isn't too far off from our living relationship. Makes me miss him even more.

They were both accidents though.

I've never been to a funeral where suicide was the factor. The sense of tragedy...of ... loss... of..."what were they thinking?!" "Everyone feels so awful and they did this on purpose!" I expect anger at the deceased is common...as is the guilt for feeling angry at the person who left.

I feel so awful for my cousin, for his wife, for my aunt and uncle (her grandparents.) I feel awful for her sister. Hearing reports where the family is waffling on having an open or closed casket... ("it's now open...apparently the morticians did a really good job on her")...it's all rather surreal.

I am actually looking forward to seeing some of my family members...is that wrong to be pleased to see people if it's such a horrendous occassion?
______

Anyway, I helped at the folks house for a bit. Wulfie seemed pleased to be there too. I dusted the downstairs (bookshelves even!) and then mom asked me to clean under the deck. I had Mark check the weather report because, as I told mom, I'm not gonna clean under there only to have a windstorm come and mess everything up that night. It happens every frakkin' time!

The weather report checked out so with the help of fallenpegasus we cleaned under the deck really well. We cleaned a lot of stuff and put it in the shed for winter, blew the dirt and leaves out, threw a bunch of things out and dad even cleaned off the trellis and planted some tulips.

Tomorrow will be more interior stuff...hopefully mom will have most of her fabric put away. It's hard to help when you don't know where everything is supposed to go.

___

Dinner was good too... Bear Creek potato soup with broccoli. I put in a lot of cayenne and a bit of cheese. Mmmmm... burning potato soup. :) I need to make wassail too. I haven't made any this year. As my younger brother sez...I don't like it unless it's spiced to the point it melts your nose hairs.

Or maybe not that EXACTLY but something like that. I do like it thick though.
____

I asked Mark if he would like to go to karate with me tonight but he opted out. Boo.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
smoemeth
Nov. 17th, 2006 07:25 am (UTC)
I am actually looking forward to seeing some of my family members...is that wrong to be pleased to see people if it's such a horrendous occassion?

I don't think so. I think that any opportunity to get something positive out of a tragedy shouldn't be passed up. If the light in this darkness is that you're able to reconnect with some far-flung family, let it shine.

Of course, I'm Irish ... our wakes are legendary. :} To this day the most fun my family has had together was at my grandmother's funeral a decade ago. We all cherish those memories. Granted, it was a much less tragic situation, she was very old and her death was far from a surprise. But at my cousin's son's funeral some family members who hadn't spoken to one another in years reconnected, and they're now close again. So in that sense, something good came out of the horrible, horrible thing.
gigiss
Nov. 17th, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
...is that wrong to be pleased to see people if it's such a horrendous occassion?

I say Derive As Much Positive Out Of A Tragedy As You Possibly Can.

I hope that the funeral conveys some perspective and some tiny bit of healing for you all.
red_girlfriend
Nov. 29th, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
Just a note, hopefully it provides some comfort.

There was a man who spoke a funeral where a young girl had died a terrible death. He said, it was made known to him, while fasting and praying on what to say at the funeral. That the girl was immediately taken into the arms of the Savior where His love was so complete that she no longer felt any pain of her death, neither fear.

The girl was 5yrs old. I can't help but to think that He would be there for your cousin also, to help ease her pain.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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