Jett (jatg) wrote,
Jett
jatg

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Late September 1995

It was Wednesdsay, one of our first PDays together and she had wanted to go running. It was hot, it was humid and it seemed Eddington wanted to run for miles. It probably wasn't more than 4 or 5, but for me, it was a study in self torture...and I couldn't quit.
I guess if I had really wanted to I could have just stopped that pathetic lope/stagger I tried to pass off as a jog but I was too prideful to quit. Besides, I had always thought to myself when forced to run, it'll end sooner the faster you go.
I was seriously reconsidering this philosophy as I tried to stagger up an enormous hill alongside a very public road in downtown Alexandria.
I craned my neck and with a great deal of effort tried to look up and spot Eddington unreachably far away through the tangle of hair and stinging sweat in my eyes. I spotted her running effortlessly. I fought a wave of nausea and was hit with a tremendous pang of homesickness for my past life.

It felt vague. I wasn't sure if I had actually lived it it felt so far away, rather something I had dreamed once, an echo of a memory. I knew that I wanted to be there.

More than anything I wanted to be sitting in Jerry's basement, drinking Dr. Pepper and eating sunflower seeds and watching movies on laser disk.

At that moment, it wasn't just a desire, it was a palpable need.

I also knew at that moment if I pined for that, if I didn't let it go, if I didn't accept the reality I now found myself in I was dooming myself to sheer misery. I had to let it go or I would never be effective as a missionary. I would be consumed by it. I had to let it go or I would go insane.

I swallowed hard and stumbled up the rest of the hill and the rest of the way home.

I served the rest of my mission and while I thought occassionally and with fondness of Jerry's basement, I no longer felt the need, the longing to be there. I had put it away. I had quit wanting.
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