2. I ended an 8 year old relationship of perpetual hazy definition at the end of November. My choice and it devastated me but after years of frustration and hurt and feeling yanked around and taken for granted and miscommunication on both sides it all pretty much came to a head the last part of 2005 and I couldn't see any other way through it. I guess things have improved...the nightmares have finally started to dwindle away. Ever stupid morning right before I would wake up I would dream about HER and the themes were always the same.
Heck, I had one that was so obvious I had to wake up laughing.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed in my dream as she and her boyfriend banged on my door. "I'm NAKED!"
As I said, I guess my subconscious is finally getting the point because, as I say, the nightmares have dwindled. And every day I feel a little more sane.
3. With that said I think I'm struggling against some depression. I know I need to get out and exercise because few things make me feel as good as a good endorphin rush. I just need to DO it ... but I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately and I've definitely noticed. I need to get out of THAT downward spiral before I undo every good thing I did physically in 2005!
4. I think...I think I may have found a new place to live. Things aren't set in stone but it looks like a bit of ideal set up. It's not that much further from work and the environment would be a LOT better for my soul. At the least I wouldn't have to head home to Farmington every weekend just to escape the house. Nothing is signed in stone so I don't want to jinx it... but I hope it works out.
Yay for a garage and a fenced in back yard.
5. I have my eticket for the New Zealand trip but it might possibly be pushed back to mid February. I did have a good chat with Mark B last night though. He has made up for his previous doofus comment.
And what comment was that? When asked if he was excited to see me, there was a long pause.
"Um..." he finally said, "Well, yeah...I'm a bit nervous. I'm not really sure what expectations you have...uh, I'm not really good at relationships."
<-- BANGS HEAD.
6. I'm heading to wyckhurst's again this weekend. I need to record them for some voice work but mostly I just like hanging out down there. I get to play babysitter... I guess she has a lunch date and she and Bill have evening plans. It should be fun. I love spending time there. Aunt Jeanette RULES.
7. Doodles: Who DOESN'T doodle when they're on the phone?
I had a psychology class when I was in high school and one of the things the teacher talked about was how doodles could be very revealing as to the mindset of the person. She put on an incredibly boring video and gave us instructions to DOODLE. Which I DID. But then I got chewed out because I was told my doodles weren't DOODLES... my doodles were DRAWINGS. I guess I was supposed to draw boxes and circles and trees like everybody else.
At anyrate, here's a bit from a full page of doodles I did. I was playing with a new pen and boy I really like it. Not sure it's entirely worksafe since I've been poring over anatomy books lately.
8. Speaking of anatomy, I have life drawing tonight. I am happy and relieved. Like exercise, figure drawing is good for my soul. Tomorrow, Naked Thursdays!
9. There is no #9.
10. I woke up with Beowulf licking my face this morning. He doesn't usually do that.