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Random murders...

I killed someone last night.

Some random girl.  She was young, kind of fat and for some reason she had come to collect for the newspaper or some other small thing.  I told her to wait a second, I would get it...and then I jumped on her and strangled her down the the floor and didn't let up until I felt her body relax.  I then got some knives and fileted her, putting packets of meat into large ziplock bags and packing them into the freezer.  I then put what was left into the garbage can.

I went about my business.

A few days later, I realized what I had done.  I started to shake, thinking about the enormity of what I had done.  Of all my concerns, my protestations that I was trying to be a good person...I had randomly murdered some girl.  I wondered about her family. 

"Surely," I said to myself,  "This must be a dream!  I can not believe that *I* would do this thing."  I went to the freezer and saw all the packets of meat...and realized she was not the first.  I was flooded with memories of other random murders I had done. 


I then woke up.

I have seriously freaked myself out.  Even in my dreams, how could I randomly kill somebody?



( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 22nd, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
I'd say, that like a sex-dream is rarely really about sex, this one is probably not about murdering.
It sure would have freaked me out though! I hope tonight is better for you, dream wise!
Apr. 22nd, 2005 07:54 pm (UTC)
Sounds like the beginnings of a good book. Seriously.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
That's what I was thinking!

Graphic novel?
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:16 pm (UTC)
This is what happens when you miss kick-boxing and all of that frenzied aggression builds up in your subconscious.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)
Indeed. Note to self: Don't miss kickboxing!!!
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC)
"I went to the freezer and saw all the packets of meat..."

You are clearly the organized type of random murderer/cannibal. That's karmic points in your favor.

'course the initial slaughtering puts you way in the hole to start with.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
I'll have to remember that. If you're going to kill somebody at least be TIDY about it.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
Well that's interesting.

Guess I should figure out what the young fat girl who wants to collect on bills means. Hmmmm.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 11:28 pm (UTC)
frankly... when i read your dream, I was thinking about the kid on "Better Off Dead"

Apr. 22nd, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC)
Because she was you or some former incarnation of you.
Apr. 22nd, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
I have thought about that. Still trying to figure out what she represents...and why on EARTH I would want to keep the meat in the freezer!
Apr. 23rd, 2005 03:01 am (UTC)
As proof that she's really gone - or that that part of you has really been sliced away.
Apr. 23rd, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC)
In classic psychoanalytic dream interpretation, the manifest content of dreams (what you experience while you're dreaming) hide the latent content. Association while waking lets you see the latent content, which in turn lets you see the wish fulfillment or purpose (Freud thought it was all wish fulfillment, but others think not necessarily).

Another thought is similar to what another of your LJ friends said, which is that it's some version of you. You're visualizing it as another person that's been killed, but you feel some part of yourself has been "killed". Like in dissociation, it's easier to think of this as happening to someone else. Of course, a psychoanalytic person would say there was wish fulfillment in that, since it's happening to someone else....

Some people have odd dreams about things relating to their body. You've lost weight recently, no? Is your subconscious afraid of losing the "you" that was overweight (the psychological state, not the pounds), and seeking to keep it by storing it in the fridge? Or are you afraid of losing some other aspect of yourself in some other aspect of your life? Through love, for example? Romance can be threatening as well as wonderful.

Are you concerned about others and feeling you're not being caring enough? Mind, I don't believe that's the actual case for a moment, but sometimes people who are compassionate and supportive focus more on the things they miss than the things they accomplish, and feel guilty. You could be playing out in your dream the unfeeling, selfish person you do not want to be. Alternatively, your subconscious could be wishing to be free of the demands of being supportive.

Remember that your subconscious follows its own logic, and is based on premises learned before you fully understood the world (in other words, frequently wrong). You shouldn't be freaked out by it, but look at it as a learning tool for understanding yourself. One of Freud's truly good insights was that dreams were the via regia (king's road) to the unconscious; the signposts and clues to what's important to you, and what you may not be noticing in your everyday life. He thought people did best analyzing their own dreams, since they could be fully honest with themselves, and know all the associations without restraint.

Ok, that's my 2-3 cents' worth.

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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