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Ageism and the BJ Spot

I have been accused of being an "ageist" over the course of my last few posts.  I guess I rather am.  Sorry guys, but 8 years is a bit much for me.  I can't handle it when I think about when I was in high school, the other person was either:

a. learning to write in cursive
b. in the middle of their Ph.D.

And yes, I have heard of the countless people who have hooked up despite age differences and I am more than happy for them.  It's hard to find somebody to love and if you can manage it, more power to you.

For me, right now, my spread is 5 years in either direction.

I mentioned this to BJ, one of my best friends while at art school.

"But," he said, "*I* am SIX years younger than you...and don't we get along great?"
"Yes," I said, "But you are also gay...so what's your point?"
"Well...what if...," he started, "What if you meet someone that is `dateable' and is six years younger...or older?"
"Okay," I conceded.  "For you...if they are really, really cool...I will spot them an extra year."

And THAT, gentle reader...is what is known as The BJ Spot.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
purplerebecca
Mar. 7th, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC)
HaHA!
I had a mission companion who was stanch on her "1 year younger, 3 years older" range, and we 'argued' about it all the time. I'd said she'll end up marrying a guy 10 years older and she'd get mad at me. XD We had fun.

Your 5 year range is perfectly reasonable. I'm a "3 years younger, 8-10 years older" kinda gal, but I like older men. ;P
firynze
Mar. 7th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
See, I understand where you're coming from entirely. The way I figure it, age gaps start to matter less and less as you become older. When I was in high school, the only reasonable age difference was one year in either direction (not that I dated, but that was the standard). In the early years of college, that grew to maybe two or three years OLDER, then when I approached senior year, the acceptable age gap moved to two or three years in either direction. And this isn't just my standards - it's what I tend to see around me, too.

I'd have issues dating someone more than five years older than me. Heck, more than four at this point - I'm young and I haven't had many life experiences I'd be able to relate to someone that much older than me. But as you get older, the differences start to matter less. I mean, my friend's parents are ten years apart - but they married 'late' in life (she was 30, he was 40). At that point, I don't think the differential matters as much.

I like the idea of the BJ Spot, though. :)
pvenables
Mar. 7th, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)
Ok, I can't be the only one who thought The BJ Spot was something else!

I don't think you are any kind of an ageist Jett. I do think that if you were really moved by the guy the age difference wouldn't mean much to you. The fact that it is a barrier is really a symptom that maybe you weren't affected enough by his charms to get over the age difference.

You have to trust your gut feeling which is what I think you're doing.

Anyway, I've stuck my nose where it doesn't belong.
pr10n
Mar. 7th, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
I did. I was glad to know that people still cared. About spots. Because when the pirate finds one on his hand, he becomes a jibbering, paranoid ... Oh. You didn't mean that spot either? *snerk*
jrittenhouse
Mar. 8th, 2005 07:12 am (UTC)
After I got out of school, I seemed to settle down to a 5-6 year difference in age (she younger than me). I remember this coming up when I was single again after my divorce, and wondering just how much of a gap would work...I was 34, and ended up with a 28 year old.

My take on this is that in general, there's a widening cultural gap between you and whoever, and a gulf in age makes this worse. The stuff you didn't watch on TV because you thought it too juvenile may have been what they grew up on. I was born in 1957 (*creak*) and was a child of the 50s/60s. My wife marmot63 was born in 1973, and was a child of the 70s.

I agree with the commenter that if that person had rung your chimes, age would suddenly have become 'huh? whazzat?' as an issue.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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