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The concept of Girls Night Out

I have this friend that I see roughly every year and a half to two years now.  I never miss her birthday however and so this Sunday when I called her with well wishes I mentioned that she and I as well as another friend of ours should get together soon for a Girls Night Out.
"Sure," she said in a chirpy voice.  "That sounds like fun...Thursday would be good because (her husband) is out of town."

Girls Night Out... husband out of town...

Um...WHAT?

In my head, Girls Night Out means that the girls pick a place to go to dinner, they GO and they have a good conversation.  The  kids stay home with their dad.

This friend, I think her concept of Girls Night Out means her husband is out of town so she can have friends over...

...And so it is, every time we try to get together, it winds up that we are at her house, wrangling her kids who are hyper because we are there (and don't get me wrong, I love kids and hers are cute) and they won't stay in bed and any conversation we try to have she is less than 50% there because she is preoccupied with her home and her kids.  And it's not like I'm always there...again, I think I saw her about two years ago.

I can't even THINK of the last time I saw her outside of her house.

When I was talking to my other friend about it she suggested, "Well, maybe she doesn't like to go out when Husband is home, because that is their time together."

Now, not married, but geeze, they've been married 8 years now...you'd think they could handle an evening apart with her going out to dinner with her friends and leave him home with the kids.  Am I missing something?

Because doesn't Girls Night Out imply the girls go OUT?

Seriously...as a single girl who on rare occassion wants to hang out with her married friends...inquiring minds want to know.

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
gigiss
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:29 pm (UTC)
I never go on a Guys Night Out, or even on a Guys Weekend Excursion. Partly because I simply do not have the time, and partly because I would just go out and think, I would rather be hanging out with my kids.

When my wife goes on the rare Girls Night Out, I stay home with the kids. But I must say that I have had to bite my tongue a bit about it; we have little enough time together as it is.
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
...and to a certain extent (again, with the not being married myself,) I understand that... but like I said, I don't think I've SEEN her for about 2 years ane we live less than 10 miles apart.
(no subject) - gigiss - Mar. 1st, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jatg - Mar. 1st, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC)
I'm curious...would you have to bite your tongue about it if say she was heading out for Enrichment or another church related outing?
(no subject) - gigiss - Mar. 1st, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tupelo - Mar. 1st, 2005 06:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - gigiss - Mar. 2nd, 2005 04:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - gigiss - Mar. 2nd, 2005 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - gigiss - Mar. 2nd, 2005 06:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
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saladbar
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:32 pm (UTC)
With kids, sometimes you are just too tired to go out and use the husband as an excuse so you won't appear old, lazy and totally uncool.
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:47 pm (UTC)
Hmmmm. Must consider that...

_nymphette_
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:35 pm (UTC)
And people think I'm cracked for considering the single thing seriously.

*sigh*

Is it a money thing, maybe? Does she have the cash to get a sitter and a movie? That was definitely a factor for my parents...
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
I don't think it's a money thing. Dude, I have less than she does and I wasn't planning on this outing taking more than $10.00.
As for a sitter, I'm sorry, but I think her husband should be able to handle an evening with the kids.

I guess I'm irritated because every "Girls Night Out," she doesn't seem to get the concept. I remember when she was dating her now husband, she and I were going to go out and see a movie and have dinner and then yack the night away... except she invited her then boyfriend (he hadn't seen the movie and wanted to,) they made out in the back of my car (I was driving) and THEN she didn't understand why I really didn't want to sit and have "girl talk" after the evening was over.

Girls Night means GIRLS. Not me chauffering the happy gooby, sticky couple.

(no subject) - tupelo - Mar. 1st, 2005 06:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jatg - Mar. 1st, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kinder_egg - Mar. 1st, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
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bluesilverkdg
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
Although I don't have (human) kids, many of my friends do. However, in my mind, a true "girls night out" is exactly as you think. Girls only, go out, paint the town, do whatever. But yeah, no kids, preferably unless there's just no way around it. My best friend has a little girl that I love dearly, and while I enjoy doing things with her as well, sometimes it's just nice to enjoy adult company.
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
Right...and again, her kids ARE cute...but it would be nice to talk to her as my FRIEND and not in "Mom Mode."

Of course, maybe I'm not missing much. The last time I was there she harrangued me when I said I didn't plan on getting married.
swampfaye
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:02 pm (UTC)
I personally LOVE to get away from my kids, but if my husband was out of town, I'd ask them to come over and hang with me and my kids...

But if I had money - babysitter - BAM! (But that also depends if your GNO is on the same night as YW/YM)
jatg
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
Yes, but would you PLAN it on a night when your husband was out?
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mitchy
Mar. 1st, 2005 10:29 pm (UTC)
My buddy Karen is married and has two kids. It's mutually understood that if I suggest a Girl's Night Out, she either gets a babysitter or makes sure hubby can cover. And we'll go on a night when one of the above options can happen. Likewise, I've popped over there and she's been looking after the kids because Hubby is out with his friends. So it's a two way street.

That's not to say I haven't had evenings with her at her house, but if I say GNO, she understands I mean OUT.
eralcym
Mar. 2nd, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
just wondering...
Maybe you've done this, and just not written about it, but have you actually discussed this with your friend? I think all my my friends are married with kids (except Alex) and I have had many experiences similar to this. Sadly it took me too long to realize that it wasn't that they didn't care; they just didn't think!

I don't know what she's thinking, but it is clear that you are wanting time "out, without kids." Let her know exactly that. Maybe you'll learn that she thought you WANTED to spend time with her kids, or maybe she'll explain why she always wants to be at home. Of course, she may simply tell you that she doesn't want to go OUT. One way or another, you'll get to tell her how you feel, and maybe find out how she feels.
cynnyr
Mar. 2nd, 2005 06:31 am (UTC)
Gee, I feel silly
:). If you think your friend is bad:
I've been married 4.5 years, have been dating my husband for 11 years, have no children, and I would still find it difficult to spend a night out.
Its not that I don't want to see my friends. The thought of being away for my husband for soooo looong just makes me homesick by the end of the night. Now, if I know that he's busy anyway (whether it be that he's out of town or if he just has his own friends over), I don't miss him so much and I have a MUCH better time knowing that I'm not missing anything at home with him.
What I recommend is shorter outings. Something long enough that she can appreciate being away from the kids but short enough that she doesn't start to miss the family. Go out for ice cream or go shopping at a favorite store.
rockymento
Mar. 2nd, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC)
a differing opinion...don't anybody shoot!
okay...here it is. I tried to be quiet. I have been married 26+ years. I have nights where I am not home but that is recently and it is doing something I really like to do. I am gone every Sunday night 2-3 hours doing voice lessons at mhovleys' house. is it a GNO, no but it is something I enjoy doing. Did I do when I was younger...not usually. I did not have contact with my friends that I had when I was younger or single. My friends are usually couples that D and I go out with together. I guess to me, don't anybody shoot me, is a GNO has been commonly associated with doing things of the world, like a BNO and my husband has never been one to go hang out doing stuff with his friends from before we were married either. We really like each other, alot!!! I guess I have that thinking because I lived in San Antonio Texas and Houston Texas where GNO and BNO were always connected with doing things a married LDS woman should not be doing. I would go do things with my sister,sister-in law and mom on General Priesthood night, but we always took our daughters also. But before that, or just going out when I had small children- no, didn't do it. Now, I go to late night movies with My 20 somethings and mhovley and friends but not as a regular thing. I guess each person has to decide how their life is managed and how they are most comfortable, and it may not always be to ones own personal beliefs or values or those things which were important at one time may not be as important after one gets married and is building the new eternal group...not looking for dissention or contention, these are just my feelings on why your friend may do what she does
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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