I am feeling much improved. I had some heavily cayenne spiked wassail this morning shortly after my posting as well as some Nyquil. It is a good thing I don't drink because I think I might really like it. I rather like that warm thick burn as it goes down and then radiates out from my stomach. Help! Is a good Mormon girl supposed to even be aware of that comfortable feeling?
I don't think I would be a beer drinker though because it plain ol' smells BAD though at life drawing I don't much care for the smell of the various wines that are being sipped around me either so who knows if I would even like the more refined stuff. I have a friend who tells me I would be a sucker for ...what was it, Yeagermeister? which I guess tastes like black licorice. Yes. Yes, I probably would like that. More wassail please. Pass the cayenne, thank you. I'm good.
I prefer to be heavily unconscious when I am sick and I guess I really was dead to the world because when I woke up in the mid afternoon everyone was GONE. Mark and Lawrence had gone shopping and I guess my mom came downstairs to tell me she was going shopping and I didn't even twitch. She figured sleep was what I needed more than knowing where she was and so left me slumbering heavily on the couch.
When I finally woke up I felt more human than I had in DAYS. I sat there for several minutes thinking it curious that I was able to more or less breathe out of both nostrils. In. Out. In. Out. Just. In. Breathe. Out. Blow.
Despite the sick, I have felt very grateful and very blessed this holiday season. New Years is coming up and I am sitting and pondering and plotting my resolutions for the new year. I look forward to the first week of January and beyond when life gets back to normal and I can go back to my established routines. I am very much a creature of habit and long for recurring patterns. I know how to deal with them, I have done them before usually with much trial and error. I blame the Aspie in me. It is the new and unknown that makes me stumble, that catches me off guard and makes my heart pound. Scripts I do not know make me nervous.
It is always interesting to visit old scripts, past scenes, past productions. I like revisiting who I used to be once upon a time. It makes me more aware of who I am and whether or not I like the changes. I came home from my mission on the 27th of December. I talked to my MTC comp on the phone for a bit and it feels like no time has gone by. We make plans to get together with us and another companion in January and laugh like we have just barely gotten home. She is now a mother and I am a professional animator. Neither of us has knocked doors for a very long time and yet the script still feels warm to the touch. I think about Hermana Atwood and what she would think about Jett.
I say that I like patterns, familiar scripts and this is true. I am aware however that my horizons need to be broadened or I will get stuck in them. Unfamiliar scenes are good for me as long as I am given the time to memorize them, to learn the part, to make them my own. The mission was an unknown land for me as was Canada when I first went and now parts of my heart are forever there. Who would I be without those experiences?
I will give myself credit though in realizing that I put myself into those unfamiliar situations, that I force myself to grow. Nobody forced me on a mission and I had been yearning for art school for as long as I could remember. Even now, nobody forces me to go to life drawing (which also used to be a strange, unfamiliar land,) as well as kickboxing which certainly was beyond my comfort zone.
So perhaps one of my goals for the new year is to cherish the scripts I know and still be able to search for new ones.
Maybe it is late and I am doped up again on Nyquil. And to all a good night.