August 30th, 2010

happy

"Endorphined Thoughts" or "Day One"

I had a conversation with BJ when we were in Connecticut I'm still thinking about. I thought about it a lot on our road trip. He had just moved there and started work at Blue Sky and while he was incredibly happy there, he was not entirely thrilled to be living in Stamford after the hustle and bustle of Chicago. Scratch that... after the life he had carved out in Chicago.

I could relate. I had carved out myself a nice little area of the world when I lived in SLC ... I had my figure drawing group, (C'mon, who misses Naked Tuedays!) I had my martial arts, regular well paying job, my family (especially my sister's kids) my friends from church... I had a regular well ordered life and I pretty much left it all behind when I moved to San Francisco.

It has taken me a while emotionally to accept that I live here...because here does NOT feel like home. Seattle instantly felt like home when I lived there (and I still think moving back from there was probably one of the *dumbest* decisions I ever made,)

I moved out here and frankly got fat and depressed and while I made feeble motions towards creating a space/routine of my own I never fully put my heart into it because I think that would have meant that I was truly accepting I was here.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense.

I didn't establish any permanence because that would mean I was here permanently.

___

On our road trip I had a lot of time to think and I realized I needed to take a deep breath and then start actively LIVING in San Francisco. I signed up for krav maga last week and have been going and just that simple thing has already done wonders for me mentally. I am remembering a lot of it...it's amazing how calm and peaceful I feel after a few hours of throwing punches and knees and getting out of chokes and smashing attackers in the face with well thrown elbows.

I think starting to take care of myself physically is going to benefit me emotionally and professionally as well as spiritually. More on that later...no comments from the peanut gallery.

Because I am me, I've made some goals as well. Next summer is my high school reunion (holy crap, time is flying!) and I'll be hanged if I'm going to show up looking and feeling like I do now! Along with Krav I started the Body for Life program today. I had Lisa take 8 pictures of me and will do a set a week. Hopefully in a number of weeks I'll be able to animate myself spinning and getting thinner. I've got a long ways to go... the goal is 30 lbs by Christmas. And no, I'm not posting any before pictures until I have some decent afters!

So I'm home now after an incredibly productive day...some good illustrations done for a client, the studio is clean, the sink is empty, the candles are flickering and while I sit in my "therapy chari" Beowulf is competing with my laptop for space on my legs.
Flying Ace

"Mom Update" or "Thoughtlets on Parents"

My mom had hernia surgery today. Honestly, after her back surgery 20 years ago everything should feel like a piece of cake.

Her back surgery was one of those pivotal family events for me. Mark was gone on his mission, Brent and Lawrence were sill fairly young, Suzanne had just started college and I was in between my junior and my senior year and it fell to me to be the primary "answerer to mom's bell." We call that period of time "Summer from Hell."

They opened my mom up from the nape of her neck all the way down and straightened out her spine, stopping to SAW where some vertebrae had gotten fused and stuck her full of stainless steel to make sure her back wouldn't collapse. For the first few months she couldn't lift 5 pounds. That's *nothing.* Many months elapsed before she even *thought* about attempting the stairs.

So, surgery on her knees? Pbhttt....child's play. A hip? Isn't that supposed to be easier than a knee? So something as minor as a hernia surgery...well, that's nothing to worry about, right?

Except I worry every time either of my parents has to spend any time in the hospital. It's rough seeing your folks age.

I was relieved when I realized I had missed a call on my phone. "Hello Jeanette...this is your dad...your mother just came out of surgery...everything is fine. Just thought you'd want to know."

I do. Thanks dad.
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