August 7th, 2005


"Cruisin' Right Along" or "I'm SO sorry!"

Wasn't able to sleep last night so I decided I would get a jump start on things. I walked to work, got some work done and walked home. All before 8:00 AM.

Also among all the errands I got done yesterday, (Hooray for Laundry! (and doesn't THAT sound like the most boring kids book ever written?)) one was to pick up a cruise control kit to install in Friday. I know that my dad had installed on in his Miata and had spend a healthy chunk of time trying to get one installed in Norton.

Lawrence told me that in comparison with Norton, installing MINE would be easy.

Eight long grubby and exhausting hours later I finally slunk off to crash on (le sigh,) the couch. Hey, I HAD been up since 2AM and was still a little jet lagged so I refuse to apologize for wiping out at 10:30 in the evening. (cue the "Vrrooom! Plane crash sounds.) Wulfie cuddled up with me and it was nice to drop off hearing his big loud grumbly purr.

I left Lawrence out in the shed checking wires and cursing under his breath. Our last test drive was a bit frustrating...we'd take Friday out on the highway, hit a speed, engage the control...and it wouldn't catch.

I sighed to Lawrence that maybe I should have just got a brick instead.

Anyway, I am aware that I owe Lawrence BIG. SOOO BIG. I thought when he said it would be easy compared to Norton we were talking a 2 or 3 hour install. I guess he and my dad fought to put one in Norton for a WEEK so technically this WAS easier...but still I had NO idea this was a full day of cursing auto manufacturers.

Soooo big.

"Not catching bouquets" or "Rambling thoughts on being single in the church"

So I was yanked out of Relief Society today as they were going through Good News Minute...(which makes me sad. That is always rife with cartoon fodder) and sent to the Bishop's office. Not sure what exactly it means that to be told to go there makes me instantly wary. I know it's not a calling...I already have one AND I was JUST set apart for it 20 minutes earlier so I was racking my brain trying to think of what on earth the bishop wanted with me NOW.

Crazy thought process:

Maybe there are other things he wants to discuss...maybe he wants to meet with me on a semi regular WAS a rather intensive and exhaustive interview that I had had with him earlier on being a member of the ward...oh please, I don't want to go through THAT again! Leave me ALONE PEOPLE!!!!

Turns out all they wanted was for me to speak in Sacrament Meeting on the 21st or the 28th. Unable to do either of those and so I have been bumped to September 11th. Not sure what my subject matter is yet. I did laugh a little bit as he asked me to speak...probably nervous tension being dissapated...but then told him I wouldn't mind speaking, in fact I enjoyed public speaking. I think he looked a little nervous at that.

As I have said before, the best way to get out of public speaking is to enjoy doing it. Then they never ask.

Back in Relief Society, the lesson was on patience and faith, two subjects I have been seriously mulling over. I have quipped before that I am wary of praying for patience, after all, I prayed for patience once and it took me 5 years to get to art school. I quip that, but I am still grateful for the 5 year wait. Going along with that theme was a quote by Patricia Holland that I hadn't heard and I am going to hard core paraphrase here:

"Many times when Heavenly Father says `No,' what he is doing is preparing us for an even greater `Yes.'"

I thought about that and applied it to my life and my experiences and was struck with how accurate and comforting it was. So many times what we think that we want, down the road would be disasterous or at least, not nearly as fulfilling as what eventually comes to pass. Everything from my teenage crush to wanting to go to art school in California to a variety of other experiences, generally the things I have begged for have been surplanted by something better.

Not ALL the time...there are plenty of things I am still wondering what the heck was/is going on...but hopefully I have mellowed out enough that patience and faith aren't these excruciating experiences/attributes to be children having to eat their peas before dessert.

And as I have also said recently...I have enough confidence in Heavenly Father that He knows what I want more than *I* do. So, if you pulled me aside and said, "Jett, what do you want?" I would still totally be able to tell you. Hopefully without bursting into tears these days. Sheesh, turn 30 and everything sets you off.

However, despite me `totally knowing what I want,' I temper that with previous experiences and again, trust that God knows what I want more than what I do.

Of course, being on vacation from one's regular life *really* shakes up regular patterns of thinking so when explaining all this to urbanepleb (and hey, happy birthday tomorrow) she clubbed me over the head with the thought that instead of trusting that Heavenly Father knows what I want more than *I* do, what should be happening is that *I* want what GOD wants for me. It's an interesting distinction and one I am, yes, mulling over.

Back to our story:

So, the lesson was fairly decent...but at the end, the teacher whips out this CD by some new LDS artist and says that she (the artist) is also a single LDS girl and this CD is TOTALLY for the single LDS girl and starts playing this song that sent my jaw dropping and my eyebrows flying. When the first line of the song starts: "She no longer tries to catch the bouquet..." please know I am inclined to writhe in non subtle agony.

The song went on and on about how she has all these bridesmaids dresses in her closet and she laughs at how out of date they are, and how at weddings she tells people she is more than okay...but when she goes home she cries and cries...but then looks out of the window and sees her roses and then realizes that He gives flowers to everyone...



I look around at these women, so many fiercely talented women who are doing extraordinary things with their lives...and wonder how many of them feel depressed because they consider their life `Plan B.' How horrible is that, and even if they AREN'T happy and really, really, really pine to be married, I don't really think that after a lesson on patience and faith and then treated to songs about how some girls don't try to catch the bouquet, but look outside at the roses really helps at ALL. What a horrible, horrible thing and decidedly `less effective.'

It could be MORE horrible I guess. In my younger brother's single's ward last week the bishop got up and told the entire ward that the reason they weren't married is because they all had some sort of sexual sin...and then went on to rip the women of the ward telling them that they should lose weight, get makeovers, try to be more attractive etc because whatever they were currently doing wasn't working. Talk about appalling! I'm wondering where his wife was during this tirade.

Anyway, I guess I am still capable of being stunned by the pressures of `hurry up and get married you poor pathetic single people' and how much we (the poor pathetic single people) buy into it. Again, I am NOT knocking marriage or the concept therein...I'd like to spend the rest of my life with someone who `gets me.' However...with all my mullings and thinkings, even more so than before, I refuse to go home and whine about the fact that right now I don't.

/end rambling thoughts