November 18th, 2004

Flying Ace

We laughed, we cried, we had curry

After an exceedingly long day at work I met my friend Jan for dinner at Joy Luck. Never having eaten there before I was delighted when I walked in. The decor was subdued and classy and it had a huge aquarium in the front foyer. Strangely enough they had us wait for a few minutes even though when they took us back the place was virtually deserted. (Weird. I almost typed destroyed.)

It was a most enjoyable dinner. I got the beef curry which tasted shockingly a lot like my friends sweet potato curry. We talked about sweet potato curry and how I crave it and though I have the recipe I am hesitant to make it because the taste throws me back in time and I don't want to make any new memories with it unless I'm with the right people. We discussed some Sunstone articles (always thought provoking if sometimes a little out there,) I showed her my new completed ghetto book (nice to have it raved about. I think this last one has some rather good stuff in it,) We talked about differences between art and porn and perceptions. Note: I do ART.

She asked me if I was scared of anything.

I wasn't prepared for this question. Am I scared of anything? Truly? Beyond silly things like finding a mouse in your shower or jumping at shocker stuff in a halloween movie?

Jan is the sort of person I have to be totally honest with so even though the wisecracks fly fast and furious I am drawn back to giving real answers.

Am I scared of anything?

I was reminded of a night in Seattle. I had gone to see Sheri L. Dew (yay for Captain Dew!) and I was struck with a sense of "Do it NOW." I had been putting something off, fighting the impression of having to do it, rebelling against it, not wanting to follow though but that night I felt nearly crushed with the impression. You know what you are supposed to do. How can you expect blessings if you can not be obedient?

As soon as I said it out loud, back in Seattle, "I am supposed to give up my comic strip," that made it real. I had a good cry and talked to my two best friends who spontanously called me that night, just to check in, just to see how I was doing and their support and friendship and love bouyed me up and they let me mourn. Gotta love friends. But it was hard. I very nearly didn't do it. I didn't WANT to do it. I didn't understand why I was being asked this thing. Lord I believe. Help thou my unbelief.

I am scared of things like that.

I am scared of not having enough strength to do the hard things.
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