Jett (jatg) wrote,
Jett
jatg

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Speaking Girl

I posted a comment [Bad username: in adamosity]'s journal which made me ponder and perhaps expound this on my own. His problem was that he had informed his mother that he was going to be out of town on Mother's Day. His mother appeared fine with it, but now the poor guy is surprised that his mom seems more and more cranky and hellbent on guilting the crap out of him for not being there, even though she initially told him it was okay to go.

Every girl on the planet right now has a general idea of where he screwed up. Most men however, would probably be baffled. "But," they splutter. "She said it was allright to go!"

Now, the problem is, most guys don't know how to speak Girl. "Mom" is another language altogether but they have enough similarities and common denominators that when you speak one, the other is relatively easy to pick up.

Here's the big secret to speaking Girl. This is the first and foremost rule:

GIRLS GENERALLY SPEAK OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY REALLY THINK!

Some examples:
"I'm fine" means "I'm NOT fine and you jolly well better badger me to find out! And it's probably YOU!"
"You don't have to get me anything," means, "You'd better knock my socks off with a gift."
"Go have fun with your friends," means, "Don't you DREAM of leaving me!"
"Thats okay." = "It's NOT okay."
"Forget about it," means, "I will NEVER forget this and will drag it up years from now after having sat and let it fester."
"I don't care," means, "I care."

See how it goes?

Now what's funny is that some girls don't bother speaking Girl to other girls...because they know the code. You can't tell another girl, "I'm fine," when the other girl knows she's not. On the other hand...some girls, that's all they speak to each other. "I'm fine," can turn into a 4 hours soul searching fest trying to divine slights that date back to 7th grade gym when one girl teased another for not having a bra even though she didn't need one until 9th grade. I think I'll stop right there...

So fellas, I may be in some sort of trouble for revealing a bit of the secret Girl code...I may have to rip up my card, but I think it's for a good cause. Now...if someone could tell me how to speak Guy...
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